Feedback is digested
Real feedback is rare. Managers say they want someone who "takes feedback well", which tells you how low the bar has fallen. What does that actually mean, and what does a real feedback system do for a team?
- Feedback is emotional
- Feedback is digested
- Feedback is creative
- Feedback never ends
- Feedback is meant to be actioned
The best system I have run starts with an expectation, set before anything else: feedback is mutual, it is constant, and it is never actioned against the person who gave it. Feedback is a safe place. But it also has rules, and something that breaks them is not feedback.
The rules of feedback
- Feedback is emotional. You can say how something made you feel. You never state someone's actions as a fact about who they are. Non-violent communication, rule one.
- Feedback is digested, by the person giving it as much as the person receiving it. It is not expressing an emotion and leaving. It is going through the work of finding ideas and a resolution.
- Feedback is creative. Offer a solution, even an impossible one, for what could make this better.
- Feedback never ends. Things can always get better. At some point we decide it is good enough, and that does not mean feedback cannot come back later. It should always be welcome when it does.
- Feedback is meant to be actioned. Either a solution gets implemented, or a decision is made that it will not change. Both are fine. Silence is not.
- Feedback is a mindset. It has nothing to do with resentment, regret or guilt. It is about the next action.
Feedback is a mindset. It has nothing to do with resentment, regret or guilt. It is about the next action.
Why it is hard
Real feedback means being genuine, being honest, and walking into the unknown without knowing where it lands.
What changed
It builds teams and it improves the output. It is the most efficient way to work lean and work strong.
Feedback with AI agents
The trap of the chat window is that it invites instant feedback: a raw reaction fired back without considering the problem, the potential, or leaving the agent any room to digest it. Feedback has to be prepared more carefully for an agent than for a person, not less, because an agent has no history with you to fill the gaps, unless you are willing to waste the time and the tokens.
Digested feedback ends in a decision: the one thing to change, why, and what good looks like. A raw reaction ends in a guess. People and agents both do better with the first. It takes me longer to write. Ideas are collaborative, and that is the job.